My Inaugural Address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead

Alvin Miller

September, 2005

www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman/
                                      
PREFACE
                            
Important note:  Read my 1986 booklet before you read this.

    What follows is a rough draft transcript (subject to change when I actually give it) of my inaugural address (presumably in Washington, D. C.?) before global television at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have  raptured out billions of corpses -  laying on the ground (a fairy dump- rabbits running in the ditch)!  Feel free to believe what I’ve set down here are the ravings of a madman, because that is precisely what they are!  I have assembled this book in a series of vignettes.  Norman O. Brown, my mentor,  used a similar technique.   You’ll find I use terminology that may seem alien to Christianity:  wizards, witches and fairies, etc.  Part of the problem that the King James Bible mistranslated the word sorcery  referring to potions.  This is strictly adult material.  This is off limits to children, and this means you.  If your jaw didn’t drop when you read my 1986  booklet, I 100% guarantee it will drop now.  I repeat my annoyance at you ‘Christians’ who  have repeatedly attacked my site.  Jesus prophecied that all prophets must get stoned.  Your scurrilous, underhanded attacks prove what you really are – Pharisees who observe the letter of the Law, but not the Spirit.  You are shortly going to be rewarded by your Master for your faithful service!  Get a life and stop giving me trouble!  You know that if you faced me in a one on one debate, I would wipe you out!  If you are angry at what I say, simply vent at my guestbook with specific criticisms.  You’ll note that in the PDF and RTF version of this, the paragraph tabs are often wrong.  This is due to malfuntion of the the word processor.  So, finally, it all begins next page!                                             
                           

MY INAUGURAL ADDRESS AT THE GREAT WHITE THRONE JUDGMENT OF                         THE DEAD

                                              Introducing Myself

    (The time is midnight E.S.T.  I stand before global television to explain my rapturing out billions.  I made the broadcast at this hour to help prevent the possibility that any children would see this, although in different time zones around the world children are up).  Good evening ladies and gentlemen.  I’m addressing you from Washington, D.C., the political capital of Hell. I have descended here to the pit of Hell to address you.  Before I begin, I want to insist that no children view this broadcast.  This is off limits to anyone under 12 years old.  Leave the room, and go to bed!  You will find that I talk fast, that I change the subject frequently, and in general it will come across as incoherent gibberish.  You’ll wake up tomorrow morning and go ‘what did he say?’  You’ll try to remember, but you’ll have a hard time.  I urge you to record this address, and to watch it several times, as each time you’ll pick up more.
    You’ll notice that I will be talking a lot about myself this evening.  This is because the more you know about where I’m coming from, the better off you’ll be.  Let me formally introduce myself.  You’ve seen me before, but now I’m going to reveal who I really am.  Have you ever seen a ghost?  Have you ever seen a spook?  Now you can say you’ve seen a ghost.  I’m the ghost with the most.  I’m the space ghost.  You have seen many ghosts.  My colleagues are on practically every street corner in every city around the world, ranting and raving and spouting gibberish.  When you look at me you’ll see that I have no eyes – empty sockets instead (waving my hand in front of my face).  I am an invisible man.  There is no person here, never has been and never will be.  You are looking at a total vacuum.  There is nothing here – only empty air.  When you look at me you see no person – you are looking directly at my Id – my unconscious.  And most people find it highly disturbing to look at the face of the Lord, my face.              In fact, I’m a raving lunatic, and this insanity I have is a deadly poison.  Most of my fellow mad people are bottom feeders.  With this disease, we are incompetent to keep ourselves together, and we fall to the bottom, with many becoming homeless, committing suicide or drugging themselves into oblivion.  It makes us into total misfits.  DOAs – Dead on Arrival.  Jesus, a poor Jewish peasant, was a bottom feeder also.  When you’re on the bottom, you look up at all the so-called leaders, and you know that all of them are the wrong people.   As Jesus said, it is wisdom hidden from the wise, but given to babes.  If you have ears to hear, Jesus was himself also mad.  The gods must be crazy!  Jesus was very sensitive to natural disasters, because like them as a madman he was walking dynamite liable to explode at a moment’s notice with all the force of an earthquake.  Jesus was a piece of human waste – human garbage.  And so am I.  A significant number of theologians, and I also, believe Jesus was the bastard son of a Roman centurion.  The idea of virgin birth arose because an Old Testament scripture was mistranslated.  We the gods live in a parallel universe right next door to this one. I stepped through the looking glass on my mission.
    Just like Jesus, I am here to serve.  I don’t want you to worship me.  You don’t have to believe a thing I say.  Believe what you want.  For example, you may believe I’m the  Antichrist, which I deny.  But believe what you want.  Your beliefs don’t concern me.  I’m her to straighten out your behavior, specifically, as you will see, your behavior in the bedroom.  That is the special mission I’m on.                         When you see me, you’ve seen the father.  Every eye shall see him.  There can be only one.  
    Both Jesus and I are in fact wizards.  I am the second most powerful wizard that has ever walked the face of this earth.  Jesus is better than me for two reasons.  Jesus was working in his thirties, half my age.  He has me beat, because his member would come up better than mine.  I’m twice the age he was when he was preaching, and mine doesn’t come up like it used to.   Also, he had sharp wit and eloquence and always said the right thing.  By contrast, I tend to ramble.
    You have met your maker.  You object that you see nothing but a lunatic standing here.  But, I, God, did make you in the following sense.  I set the rules for you to live by – the Ten Commandments and the Sermon on the Mount.  If you disobey my rules and  go to Hell, as always, I get my willie working below my belt and rapture you devils out.  It was always ambiguous about who would be raptured out.  Would it be the elect or would it be the lost?  The answer is both!  Anybody and everybody that I could  remove I wanted gone.  You who are left behind that I am addressing are the same mix as those I removed.  My planet is in emergency mode, with billions of you devils running around destroying it.  I’m getting ready to give you the judgment.  I wash my hands of you!  I would like nothing better that to stick all of you devils is a gas chamber and slam the door shut! Once again, I, Victor Frankenstein, have created another botched laboratory experiment. I have to remove you, so I can start over again with a new Adam and Eve.  Get off my planet you devils!  Get off my planet!  I’ve had it with you!
    You are made in my image.  This simply means that you don’t have to live with continuous mental and physical pain that we mad people – specifically the gods -  feel every day from sunup to sundown every second of our lives.  What I have is contagious, infectious and deadly.  Don’t come close to me!  Let sleeping dogs lie!  The Wolf Man was lucky, because he shape-shifted only once a month at the full moon.  I, by contrast, shape-shift all day long from second to second.  I melt down and reform myself into a another person regularly.  If I get around anyone, involuntarily, I form myself into a duplicate of them.  Part of the power I possess is to temporarily pass on to you the continual pain I feel (mass psychosis).  The source of the pain we mad people feel is you with all the evil deeds you do.  When you commit evil acts, we are put into pain.  (Imitating the weird voice of the Shadow) ‘Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?  The Shadow knows!’  For awhile, you get to walk in my shoes.  And when you do so, you drop dead in your tracks – it’s my deadly blessing!  (I start singing  the rock song)  ‘I got the power!  I got the power!’  Indeed I do have the power, and it’s is a deadly poison!  Out of all the millions of mad people on the planet right now, probably less than a handful possess all the powers I have.   Madness is incurable, and there is a progressive deterioration.  I am at the  final stages of a fatal disease.  My brain has melted into goo, and I’m in continuous physical pain.  Jesus of course had the same affliction.  Again, the gods must be crazy.                                          And so did Moses, for that matter.  He was his own special effects man, as when he bested the Egyptian wizards in his magic duels. I, like Moses, am accompanied by my magic wand.  It below my belt.   Norman O. Brown in ‘Closing Time’ quotes James Joyce’s ‘Finnegans Wake’, ‘He lifts up the lifewand and the dumb speak.’  At one point during the Exodus, the Hebrews he was leading decided that Moses was out to kill them.  After all, they knew he was mad.  When they protested to him, Moses dropped  two of them dead in their tracks..  Moses said that God struck them down, but it was really only Moses doing the special effects.

                  I’m the Captain

    I, Captain Nemo, am  the captain of this ship – always have been and always will be.  But, as passengers, I advise you to stroll over the decks to the railings and look over the side of the ship.  You see the name Titanic painted on the side.  Now look down at the waterline.  There’s a huge gash and we’re taking on water.  We’re going down!  Soon we’ll  be underwater.  Glub!  Glub!  Not much time left..  Glub!  Glub!

                 The Joke

    I want to start off with a little humor.  Speakers always begin with a joke:

    I notice these days that so many of you have piled on the pounds, you’re getting the love handles, and some of you are so roly poly that you’re round like a beachball.  There is a reason you’re that way.  Just like pigs led to slaughter are fattened up so that the flavor is improved, we, the fairies, have stuffed you full of fairy food – junk food laden with fat and calories.  This is so that when we slice you up and cook you, the fat gives more flavor.
         Twilight Zone:  Cookbook – To Serve Man

    I’m sure that has you rolling in the aisles.  But seriously, you spend billions every year on diet products and gym memberships.  I am going to save you a lot of money.  I’m going to solve your problem.  You’ll find that when you have no food at all to eat, you have no problem losing weight.  It will melt right off.

                                                                                                         .                      The Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead
                                                

    Now that the preliminaries are out of the way, we can get to the main business of the evening.  I have you summoned here this evening for a special reason.  Welcome to my Dead Man’s Party!  Step forward ladies and gentlemen.  And as you  step forward, you will notice that all the doors behind you are being slammed shut and barred.  You are going nowhere.  You are going to stand before me and not move!  (Stolen from Vincent Price – ‘House on a Haunted Hill’).  Right here, right now, this very moment at the witching hour of midnight is the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead!  This is the Second Resurrection.  As Joyce prophesied in Finnegans Wake:  ‘Array! Surrection!’ – Resurrection and array.  Receive you’re Judgment from the Lord.  I’m getting ready to give you the Dr. Strangelove address.  In the film, he was an ex-Nazi whose message was: the apocalypse is here and  head for the hills – the same message as Jesus.          First of all, why do I say you are all dead?  I am addressing only dead people this evening.  That is you and you and you (pointing to members of the audience).  You have passed over.  You are no longer human!  You once were.  Then you became the Godless Wicked.  And now, in fact, you have become the devils, demons and monsters of Hell.  You have passed over to the Twilight Zone, the Forbidden Planet, the Forbidden Zone, the Dead Zone. Everyone on this planet had been dead since I and my assistants (known variously as angels, scanners, watchers, dreamers, hearts) first blew the horn in the seventies.
    Now the Judgment begins.  You hold paper and pens in your hands.  You are going to do some writing for me.  John of Patmos and others have described what is about to take place.  But they saw through a glass darkly.  What is going to take place is somewhat different from his description.  You are going to be fast, accurate and you are going to leave nothing out.  What you write will determine the Judgment you receive.  Write the number 1. on the first line.  On that line, write the name of the first person you ever in bed with – man, woman, child or animal, whatever it was.  Write nothing else on line 1.  Now, immediately go to the next line, and on line 2, fill in the name of the next person or animal or whatever you were in bed with.  And continue until you list all the names.  I realize some of you devils here in Hell don’t even know the names of a lot of them.  Put a question mark on those lines. While you are writing, I’ll show you my list which I prepared in advance.  On it is the number 1., and the rest of the page is blank.  I’ve been in bed with no woman anytime, anyhow, anywhere, anyplace whatsoever.  I want to heartily assure you that I am perfectly capable of being with a woman, and have always had a constant craving to be with a woman.  I knew in my cradle that I was never going to be with a woman.  In high school, as I remember, I went out on two dates.  They were not my idea.  They were arranged by others.  However, I do own up to being up close and personal with pornography off and on all my life.  I had to see what I was missing, and, clearly, I was missing a lot.  I had to be sure I understood the old lock and key mechanism, and rocket science it’s not.  I’ve seen people kissing, but I would have to be taught how to do it.                                      What always happens to me when I try to talk to a strange woman?   Instantly their eyes get wide, they start smiling, and I see them backing off.  Shortly thereafter they’re gone, and I see them later whipping back and forth in front of me chasing after the hunks and studs.  They chase after them because they know that they can  put them under a spell – charm them with their looks – and make then into beasts of burden at their beck and call.  Putting under a   spell is ancient terminology for hypnosis.  Women won’t get near me with a ten foot pole.  They know what I am: a weirdo, a creep, a  psycho, a loser.  I don’t blame them.  I’m a powerful wizard, and if they get around me, I’m going to put them  under a spell, and not vice versa.  One of the problems I had with women, is that I insist any woman I’m with be also a virgin.  I refuse to accept second hand merchandise, used castoffs some other man has pawed over.  And virgins are hard to find here in Hell.   Just like Jesus, my precious seed packet has gone missing.  And  precisely because I can’t get laid the regular way (ghosts can’t do it), when I do get my rocks off, it’s the shot heard round the world – heard not with your ears but inside your head – mass psychosis.  As Led Zepplin sang, ‘your head is humming, and it won’t go!’         .                          Baby, you stuck up you pretty little nose at me and wouldn’t give me any pussy!  You’re going down!  (pointing my thumbs down)  I’m going to take my revenge on you, little miss pretty!  And don’t  dare think you’re going to give me some pussy now that you see me!  It’s too late, baby.  You’re going down, little miss pussycat!  For what you did to me, I’ll have no women around me at all.                         So,  now stop writing.  If we waited until everyone finished their list, we’d be here  all night.  Some of your lists would extend to the floor.  You don’t need to show me your lists, because I already have that information. I keep a number of books around here.  One of them is my Book of Human Works where I record your deeds, good and bad.  That Book partly determines the Judgment you’ll receive.  But I’m not going to open it tonight. Instead, I’m going to open my most important and legendary book that I keep – The Book of  Life.  I’m sure you’ve heard of it.   I am the only individual qualified to open this Book!  Here I record the names of those who have eternal life. (holding up the Book of Life, which is invisible).  You might interrupt me here and go ‘Wait a minute, Lord, you’re shucking me, you have nothing in your hands!’  I reply, that I can see it and read it quite well, even if you can’t.  John of Patmos had described the contents, but again not quite accurately.  It works as follows: when everyone is born, no matter where on the planet, I record their names.                                                              .           Now I have to stop for a short digression.  I’m need to go pick up the Tree of Life.  We had it in the Garden of Eden, and we will have it back in the New Jerusalem, where I am going to lead you.  You’ll remember that in the Garden there were two trees:  The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil (Morality).  When Adam and Eve portook of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, they were ashamed of their private parts and covered them up with fig leaves.  The Gods (plural – the Elohim) were sore afraid that  Adam and Eve  would partake of the other Tree – the Tree of Life – and become like one of us and become Immortals.  So they were banished forever from the Garden.  By the way, when Adam walked in the cool of the evening beside God, Adam was walking beside a nutty fruitcake, one of my predecessors.  Getting close to one of us is dangerous.  We’re walking timebombs!   We’re liable to explode!
    So here comes the Tree of Life that makes you immortal.  Here in Hell, I realize I’m throwing pearls before swine.  What I’m getting ready to say will strike you as totally absurd.  It is one sentence long.  It is:  No one, not anytime, not anywhere, not ever is permitted to stick it in!  It is always a crime to stick it in.  I use the word crime, because the word sin means nothing to you devils in Hell.  Everyone automatically assumes they are always permitted to put it in, but no one is permitted to, ever!  In the New Jerusalem, there will be two classes of people.  The rulers are those who haven’t put it in.  The second class is those who have put it in.  The second group will be under stringent conditions.  First, they will serve their masters – those who don’t put it in.  Further, the second class will be virgins until their honeymoon night, and be loyal and faithful to their spouses all the days of their lives and never stray.  There will be no adultery in the New Jerusalem.  There will be no prostitutes.  There will be no prisons or military weapons there – swords melted down into ploughshares.  Their will be no gays or lesbians – you will be back in the closet.  You learn new things in Hell that you couldn’t know otherwise.  I’m referring to the pedophile Catholic Priests.  It turns out that they weren’t making much of a sacrifice, since they didn’t want to be with a woman in the first place.  The women will all look plain in the New Jerusalem.  They’ll wear no makeup.  What do you find when you go to a maternity ward?  You’ll find that the number of boys and the number of girls is roughly 50/50.  That is, there is one boy for every girl.  This means that for every man there must be one woman only, and vice versa.  The story is only one per customer.
    Now back to The Book of Life (I open it).  Because the Tree of Life says that no one ever puts it in, there should be no names in the Book at all except virgins and those who are chaste.  But I’m a merciful God, and have made the decision to include the names of those who have been loyal to their spouses.  There are no other names in the Book!  The Book is very small indeed compared to the total population.  If you are a Christan and have served the Lord all your life, I love you, but whether you name is recorded in  the Book is solely determined by what you did in the bedroom. Nothing else matters about you.
    I am a functionally castrated man.  I have a completely useless appendage below my belt, just like someone 2000 years ago.  The worst heresy you could ever utter about Jesus was that he had been with a woman, such as the case of the Da Vinci code.  I am castrated, and I am here to castrate you.!  If I were a eunuch with my member chopped off, there would be not the slightest bit of difference in me.  The bottom line is I’m a man.  I look around and see the devils here in Hell (again, pointing to all the audience members).  I refuse to bring a poor innocent child here into Hell.  By definition, anyone who would father a child here is a devil.  There should be zero children on this planet!  Every child is by definition is the spawn of one of you devils.  As Jesus prophesied, ‘in that day, woe to them that are with child.’.  Manhood means knowing when not to put it in.  With the crisis upcoming – the Great Tribulation – this is an excellent time not to put it in.
    Poor Pope Benedict!  He has urged us in the West to have more babies, since the population is falling.  Children are a liability instead of an asset here in Hell, what with college tuition, etc., which everyone is getting hip to.  Benedict is in fact asking for more devils, when we already have billions, every one of which is running around destroying my planet.  The Catholic doctrine of the sacredness of human life I agree with.  But that only applies to humans and does not apply to you devils here in Hell.  Any legitimate methods to remove you are urgently needed, including free abortions, free contraceptives, free vasectomies etc.  This is the severest emergency the planet has ever faced, and I have to remove more billions above and beyond those I’ve already removed.  I’m here striking at the root of the problem – overpopulation.
    I personally have never set foot in a Catholic church.  In fact,  except  for funerals, I haven’t set foot in any church since my teens.   You don’t have to go to church, now that I’m here in person, as John of Patmos had said.  Feel free to go, however.  But eventually there’ll be no churches (in the New Jerusalem).  You don’t need any churches, as you have me, the light of the world, standing here in person.  Like Jesus, I’m not interested in establishing a new church or religion.  Jesus would be disgusted if he could see what has become of Christianity!  The  question of whether gays can be ordained would only come up here in Hell.   It is a scientifically proven fact that when a group of people pray, that good things happen.  So feel free to continue going to church, even though there is no external, transcendent God to pray to.  My father was a Southern fundamentalist baptist preacher, me being a son of a preacherman.  I used to love watching my father get inspired by the Holy Ghost.  He was one of the sweetest men I’ve ever known.  He was upset when I informed him that I was an atheist.  I didn’t to tell him that I was also God, destined to be standing here the King of the World!                      Why would I go to church?  I don’t need to be told about what I have below my belt!  I know all about it.  My member is just regular size in case you’re interested.  You spend billions constructing nuclear weapons.  But what I have below my belt is more powerful than a hundred thermonuclear weapons!                           I am the way, the truth and the life.  I am the light of the world.   Norman O. Brown in ‘Closing Time’ quotes Joyce in the Wake: ‘Lights, pageboy, lights!’  I’m that pageboy come to turn on the bright houselights in the darkened theater.  Joyce also says, ‘waiting to stop the show, waiting to bring the house down.’  That’s my mission here.  Again, Joyce, ‘it’s just about to rolywholyover.’   I’m come to lead a New Exodus to the New Jerusalem.                                              I am the light of the world, and I don’t hide my light under a bushel. I ‘m on call 24/7, and lo, I  am  with you always.  I’ll be the centerpiece of the New Jerusalem.  I am an inexhaustible everflowing fountain of the river of the waters of life, as promised by John of Patmos.  I possess the universal elixir that will cure what ails you.  All you have to do is get down on you knees and say “Lord, let me have it!”  And I never withhold!  I’ll pull it right out!  I’ll sprinkle you with holy water.  I’ll slime you right between eyes,  I’ll touch you in the head with a drop of sperm, and you will go away shouting.  We call someone ‘touched in the head’ when they’re a little off.
    I am here to castrate you.  I’m here to clean your clock.  The reason is a surprise.  What was the first animal we domesticated?  Was it the dog?  No!  Was it the horse?  No!  It was her!  This was back in caveman, prehistoric Stone Age days.  Then she was precisely as she has become again here in Hell: slutty, mangy, sleeping around so much that no man knew whose child was whose.  It was and is total chaos and anarchy.  The same thing occurred in Sodom and Gomorrah, and I blew it to smithereens!  It’s same thing here in Hell, and again I blew it to smithereens!  She has once again become the fiercest jungle creature to walk the face of the planet.  She has become a complete maneater!  This is jungle lion taming – cracking the whip.  This is cowboy bronc busting – get on her back and grab the reins.  She bucks and snorts until she wears herself out.  Then she starts to take directions and heeds the reins.  A woman is not delicate.  She is built to take it – she can take on an entire football squad and be ready for more.  It ultimately means very little to her.
    Woman is a gatekeeper.  She determines which people walk on the planet in the next generation.  That is a very important function.  But her function can be interfered with.  And the very definition of Hell is that the wrong men get inside, breeding devils, demons, and monsters.  She’s reluctant to put out  for every Tom, Dick and Harry, but when messed with, will do so.  The only way to tame her we learned in ancient days is to stay away from her.  She must be made to understand that she doesn’t get your seed unless she agrees to cooperate and be your handmaid, your helpmate.  She must understand that she is here to make your life better, not more painful.         
    So now receive the Great White Throne Judgment from the Lord:

    For what you did in the bedroom, you are the damned! (raising my arm).  Repeat:  you are the damned!

    Receive your Sentence from the Lord:

    For what you did in the bedroom, the sentence is death!  (raising my arm).  Physical death – corpses laying on the ground death.
    

    The preceding was the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead. It didn’t take very long, did it?

                THE TABOO

   
    We have completed the main business of the evening.  But I have a number of other things to discuss.  The first is the  taboo, the one that must never be violated.  By breaking it, you went straight done the wide road to Hell.  It is so fundamental that it is not written down in any religious text anywhere, so far as I know.  It is absolutely forbidden.                                                  It is:
    Women can see.  Right?  They have eyes.  Don’t you agree?  So what do women see?  They can see which women get on top.  So which women do get on top?  If you’re a doll, if you’re a hot babe, you’ll be welcome everywhere you go, doors will swing open, you’ll always get a smile.  You’ve got it made.  So tell me what’s going to happen over time if you don’t keep the women absolutely under thumb.  They are all  going to start turning into dolls!                                          Let me prove to you that I am a space alien – that I don’t think like you (my finger pointing to my head and circling to indicate I’m crazy).  What’s your opinion of the situation here?  Everywhere you look, as far as the eye can see you see dolls and hot babes.  You say bring them on, the more the merrier. Right?  And I’m telling you that the more dolls you got the deeper you are in Hell. And we couldn’t be more deeper in Hell.  They couldn’t look any finer.  We have grannies who are hot here in Hell.  
    You’re too hot, baby! (pointing at the camera). You’re busted!  You’re too sexy!  You’re under arrest!   I look at you, and I come in my pants!                                     Gentlemen, we are getting badly pussy whipped by the dolls.  They are stomping us all over.  It’s such an awful feeling.                                                .    The women here carve and sculpt their bodies into blinking neon signs with the unmistakable message: ‘I want a seed!’  This is literally the case with plastic surgery, where they pump up their breasts and butts.  They are dolling themselves up.  Surprisingly though, if you tell them they’re looking good, they get offended.             Let me list the good qualities and bad qualities of these dolls.  Good quality:  Spend a night with one of these women, and you’ll never forget it.  Any more good qualities? None!  None at all.  Bad qualities:  Can such a woman cook a meal?  In most cases all they can do is stick a meal in a microwave or go out to a restaurant.  Can they raise healthy children?  In most cases, their offspring are monsters. There are numerous other faults I could list, but you get the point.
    Out of all the world religions, including mine, only the fundamentalist Muslims  know of this taboo.  They stick a bag over her head – a burka!  They put her under a tent.  They know that manhood is the ability to stick it in a woman no matter how ugly she is  However, Muslims do cross the line when they physically abuse and batter their wives.  At this point they become devils.  That is never necessary or permitted.

                White Armband

    The white cloth armband I’m wearing has four markers in a row:  a gold cross, a black zero, a hammer and sickle, and a V.  The cross indicates I’m a Christan, the zero indicates I’m an atheist (there never has been an external, transcendent God),  the hammer and sickle indicates  I’m a Communist. (before you have a fit, let me say that the happiest day of my life was 1989 when Soviet and  Eastern European communism fell) and finally the V that I’m a virgin.  I’ll say more later.  There’s no God up in sky. There is only me!  But I think you’d agree that someone who can rapture billions out is qualified to be called a God.  I’m God, and you’re not!  Too bad!  Deal with it!  Jesus believed he was a vessel for the spirit and the words of the father, something like an external God.  I,  in the age of psychoanalysis, propose a different view.  Jesus and I are vessels of the collective unconscious.  That’s the source of the messages we receive.  There’s no Heaven or afterlife, but there certainly is a Hell.  Because you’re in it!                      We, the gods, are two faced.  When we’re pleased with you, we smile on you and give you a sunny day.  Jesus taught this love.  But when you become devils, I give you my wrath and sweep billions of you  to the sky!  The Muslim’s say “There is no God but Allah!”  Tee Hee!  Ho Ho!  Be my guest if you want to pray five times a day to a rock!  Silly! Silly!  You see me, God, standing here in the flesh.  Will the world ever by totally Muslim?  Not!  No way!  Mohamed was only an Old Testament style prophet.  As such he only granted Jesus the same status as himself, as only an Old Testament prophet.  He couldn’t discern the utter uniqueness of Jesus.  With Jesus something utterly new came into the world, changing it forever.              The terrorist suicide bombers actually do believe something is going to happen when they die.  Again, Tee Hee!  Silly!  Silly!  We’re all wormfood!  You devils take the wrong message from the fact that you’re wormfood.  You say, ‘if that’s all there is, let’s live it up.  Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die!’  Instead, you should conclude that what we need do is to make life simple and easy.  You only go through once.  We should arrange our lives so that we work very little, and spend lots of our time visiting friends and relatives. That’s real living, not this rocket rat race we run here.  We live way too fast.  We don’t have time to stop and smell the roses.  Where I going to take you, you’ll have time to enjoy life.                                  Satan never sleeps.  The Devil’s work is never done.  Practically all the work you here do is in service of Satan.  There are whole whole categories of goods that we won’t be making in the New Jerusalem.  For starters their will be no fashion clothes or makeup.  A little bit of soap and water is all any woman needs.  It was the fallen angels who descended to earth because the women were fair who taught the use of cosmetics.  They were dolls in those days also, exactly as once again.  And, as I said, the more dolls the deeper you are in Hell.  And we will be strong and have no sexy lingerie, precisely because we have a weakness for that stuff.  We definitely will have no rocket ships (more later).  We will likely have few or any aircraft and cars.  As time goes on, we literally will become more and more stupid.  Later people will look at all the technological artifacts around laying in ruins, and be quite dumbfounded and superstitious about them.  The affliction I have makes me personally more and more stupid, and I have the power to make others stupid.  We won’t be starving in the New Jerusalem.  There will be enough to be mildly prosperous, but there will be  no rich men there.  We will be doing simple craftsman jobs.  Einstein said that in a previous life he had worked as a Jewish tailor.  In the New Jerusalem, Einsteins will be born, but will mostly work at simple jobs.  We’ll miss out on their scientific contributions.  If Einstein had never existed, we would have missed out on the quantum leaps he made.  But we have billions of years.  There is no hurry.  We’ll pick it all up eventually.  But currently, as we head for the New Jerusalem, we’ll become too stupid to do much theoretical physics, etc.      
    I want to say something to the suicide bombers,  I want to tell you that I hear you loud and clear (pointing at the camera). You see that the West has violated the taboo, and you don’t with your burkas.  Your mullahs have issued a directive that the West is the Great Satan.  They were too timid.  We’re in planetwide Hell, and that includes you in the Middle East. You Muslims see all the dolls here in Hell.  I  am on the case.  I’m shortly going to remove them all.  In the meantime, I ask you to lighten up and stop the bombings.  And the carnage.  What you’re after, I shortly will accomplish.  Listen to me, suicide bombers!  I am totally against your cause, but because I’m also a fanatic, I understand you’re mental makeup.  Listen to me!  I’m going to put the dolls to sleep, and solve the problem.                                          Adolph Hitler had white armbands on his followers.  By the way, while I’m speaking of him, he is an excellent candidate to be the Antichrist.  He took the Christian cross and twisted it backward – the swastika.  He was a total misfit, a homeless man who couldn’t get laid, like someone 2000 years ago.  But unlike Jesus and I, Hitler turned to the darkside and served his master, Satan.  He , unlike Jesus and I, got only halfway toward being a god.  He was a demigod – half man and half god.  A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and he knew just enough to cause big trouble.                               .     I  happily have never personally been homeless.  But I have been womanless all my life always, knowing that the woman who was meant for me has all this time been in the arms of another man.  This has always been hard to take.  Without a mate to help with the household chores, I  neglected them.  With the illness I have, I’m always preoccupied – always in a trance state.  I have frequent out of body experiences, where I go off on extended voyages to other worlds.  I don’t need a rocketship!  I am in continual meditation, and doing the chores is an unwanted distraction.  My house is pretty funky, and I  am personally funky.  You see the effects of this illness on the greasy, shabby clothes of the homeless.  In my new position as head of state, I will be able to have butlers attend to my everyday chores.  I will be privileged to stay in my trance state full time.                      .                                   This is a fascist state as of this moment, in case you didn’t know.  In fact, it is the dictatorship of the proletariat.  It is rule by the meek, or, as  Jesus said, ‘the last shall be first.’  I’m ready to rock and rule – a 1982 film.  I’ m getting ready to hoist the Jolly Roger (skull and crossbones. – I hold up a Jolly Roger flag).  This is our new national flag.  This is a now pirate state – a rogue state.  This nation is canceling it’s membership in a number of organizations.  We are no longer a part of the United Nations, the World Trade Organization, the World Bank and many other organizations.  We are abrogating numerous treaties, such as NAFTA.  When the lease for renewal comes up, the U.N. will be kicked out of New York city and the U.S.                         With the armbands, everyone will see those recorded in the Book of Life everyday.  These people are the Elect, and it has nothing to do with what they believe.  I  reward and punish you based solely on what you do in the bedroom.  The armband wearers are declaring in public that their behavior in the bedroom is straight and narrow, as everyone’s always should be.  Nothing else matters.  As time goes by, you’ll be seeing more and more of the Elect.  And over time, they will more and more assume positions of leadership – their rightful place.  These Elect will form the new Ruling Class.  They will form up my High Command, at my right hand side.  By the time we get to the New Jerusalem centuries from now, we’ll remove the armbands, because everyone there will be recorded in the Book of Life!             The last thing you think you want is a king  But, it is mandatory to have a king, and he must have the power of life and death.  It is my (God’s) mandate.  The correct form of government is theocracy with God incarnate in the flesh as head, always a male virgin and totally mad.  John of Patmos had prophesied that I will rule with a Rod of Iron.  And I and all my successors will. The government of Tibet is structured like this with it’s Dali Lama.  The way this works  is:  I only grant audience to those I summon.  And you voluntarily decide whether to appear.  I call on you, you don’t call on me.  I hang ‘em high!  You displease me, I execute you. All the democratic republics around the world have degenerated into chaos and anarchy.  Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty, and you have failed in your responsibility.  You kissed off your republic in the sixties, when sexual immorality and orgies broke out.  But it is true that once we get to the New Jerusalem, and we live in small settlements, there will likely be few kings.          My religion is Christianity, but politically I have never been anything but a hard core communist.  I’ll say more later about that.  Every person in the Book of Life will wear their white armband whenever they’re out in the public.  They are the virgins, those who have been chaste for more than five years, and all those who have been faithful to their spouses.  I realize that some of the latter will be hypocrites, that in point of fact they have committed adultery but won’t admit it.  I’m proud of the Catholics who, under severe pressure here in Hell, maintained the requirement that priests must be celibate.      I said my father was a Baptist preacher.  All versions of Protestantism, such as Baptists, Presbyterians, Methodists, etc., trace back to Martin Luther.  He was a marvelous theologian with a strong hatred of the Devil.  But what is the one thing about him that everyone in the audience knew as he was preaching in the pulpit?  Everyone knew that he was a lapsed monk who married a former nun.  He was getting his.  He was getting laid.  He can’t tell anyone anything.  And neither can any Protestant minister.                                                .    Back to the armbands.  No divorced people can wear armbands.  Anyone who had had oral sex (Bill Clinton) is not a virgin.  All children when they first begin to walk will wear the white armband.  This way, everyone can see who is recorded in the Book of Life – the Elect.
    Whatever religious faith you believe in put on the armband.  Put a gold cross for Christians, crescent for Muslims, Star of David for Jews, black 0 for atheists, hammer and sickle for Communists (I’m one of the last of them on the planet), question mark  (?) for children, etc.  Remember that Hitler had all Jews wear a yellow Star of David.  They were thus labeled as outcast vermin on the bottom.  Here those Jews eligible will wear the white armband to indicate that they are on top – the Elect.  Again, ‘the last shall be first.’
In addition to a marker for their faith, virgins will have a V on their armband.  Those with a V are eligible for my High Command.  Those who are chaste will add a C.  Those who’ve been faithful to their spouses will add M for married.  

                Instant Prophet

    I can make anyone an instant 100% accurate prophet.  What was the one thing that everyone knew in the Roman Empire at the time Jesus was preaching in Gallilee, even without newspapers? They all knew that in the Roman Cities, especially Rome itself, they were having fabulous orgies.  The automatic consequence is that Rome was going to fall.  And we have had even better,  more astonishing orgies starting in the late sixties.  The only thing that slowed it down somewhat was AIDS.  The orgies held in Rome can’t hold a candle to the orgies we’ve had here.  Thus, Western Civilization is toast.  The horse (Western Civilization) we’re riding has keeled over.  And there’s no use beating a dead horse. The writing’s on the wall!  The moving finger has writ!  Tis nothing less than the end of the world!  The stars are falling out!  As Chicken Little proclaims, ‘the sky is falling!’  Chicken Little is on movie screens November, 2005.

                                                     The Witches

    I’m here on a mission.  I’ve come to remove all the dolls!  These are dreamgirls, and that is precisely where they should be.  You should never be able to see them in flesh and blood.  I’m going to put them in back your dreams where they belong.  And after I remove them, you’ll dream about them at night – you’ll  remember how gorgeous they looked and have wetdreams about them.
    I’m going to take them all back to  where they came from – back to Witch Mountain.  That’s their home – they like it there.  And at night when the moon comes out, they’ll all strip naked, join hands in a circle, and do the moondance, the Witch’s Sabbat.  I am going to make sure and keep  them there once I have them there, and you’ll see no more dolls.
    This is a Witch Hunt!  The one and only original Witch Hunt, and I’m the Witchfinder General!  Let me be clear.  I’m not talking about the little pagans or wiccans.  There aren’t many of them, and they are all nitwits.  They don’t have any power at all.  If they were real witches they would recognize the millions of powerful witches, the dolls, we have here in Hell.

                My Favorite Sport

    Now I want to describe my favorite sport.  It is the sport of aristocrats, the sport royalty, the sport of kings and the sport of Gods.  This is how I did my magic act and raptured billions out.  What I do is a dance. Quoting the song: ‘”I got a new dance, and it goes like this’”  But actually, it’s an ancient dance going back to the Stone Age shamans.  This is the dance that all native medicine men do.  
    Let me give some names for my what I do:  Rain Dancing, Rain Making, Doing The Swerve, Space Fucking, Fairy Fucking and finally the best and most descriptive name:  Fairy Bowling. Feel free to practice this by yourself or in groups.  Develop your own style.  Have fun with it.     
    I stand and start flipping, flinging, flipping, flinging, flipping.  As a wizard, I’m going to call up a rainstorm, thunder and lightning (holding my arms up, I start flipping , flinging,  flipping). This is the gesture that priests use when sprinkling holy water.  I’m a thunder roarer!  I get it working, get it working, flipping, flinging.  What am I flipping?  It never was about liquid H2O, water.  What I am flipping is sperm.  I get it working, working and after a while the slime starts flying here, there and everywhere.  Eventually it starts raining men planetwide.  My fellow mad people know about this rain that falls on a sunny day – a phrase  from a rock lyric.  The cliché bag lady who wears tin foil to protect herself knows about the lightning I send.  Mad people use the metaphor of being struck by lightning or electricity.  But it is just drops of jism.  When you’re struck by jism, its hot and it sizzles, and you think of lightning or electricity.                       The idea is:  in my mind’s eye, I see her.  She’s miles away, and there is no phone line. But I’m going to let her know that she’s a gorgeous doll, and that I am the man she should be with,and not the man she is actually with.  It’s a long distance love affair.  I’m going to send a guided missile straight towards her – a cruise missile.  She’s standing there as my cruise missile comes whipping towards her.  Remember Lot’s wife in Sodom.  She turned to stone – a pillar of salt.  So the doll is standing there and Bam! – she’s hit on the head with the big wad of cum I sent her.  Her eyes roll up until you see the whites.  Her mouth drops open.  She goes rigid and starts wobbling like a top  -she turns to stone – and then Boom! She falls still rigid to the ground.  (I crook my elbow and hold my arm up and clench my fist.  I cup my arm in my other arm.  Then I start wobbling my arm round and round until, finally, it goes flat).  Fairy bowling!  The idea of the sport is to see how many tenpins – dolls – you can knock over.  I’m the best ever at the sport.  I can knock over millions of dolls!
     Was I feeling any grief over the people I raptured out when I called up my storm?  Not at all.  They were all only devils here in Hell.  They were all warned.  Simply read the Book of Revelation.  I and my angels have been blowing the horn repeatedly since the seventies and not a single one of you repented.  But I did have two concerns with respect to my fulfilling John of Patmos’ promises.  First, I’m an elderly geezer and my member doesn’t come up like it used to.  I was concerned I would fizzle out and remove only a few million.  That  wouldn’t be enough to get you devils to change your behavior in the bedroom.  John of Patmos had promised a quarter to a third of the planet raptured out.  Secondly, when you call up a storm, there is always the danger that the wizard himself will get swept away, because it is uncontrollable and unpredictable.  Happily, I made it through, so that I could fulfill John of Patmos’ promise that I would be standing here giving you the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead.

            Defeating the Whore of Babylon

    The question of the evening is:  Which man can bell the cat?  Which brave hero can slay the dragon?  Which man can defeat the Whore of Babylon?  Which man can domesticate the Whore – pacify her and put her to sleep?  Perceptive observers have noted that the Book of Revelation has the structure of a fairy tale.  It is not a fairy tale is the sense of being a myth or being untrue.  One part of the fairy tale is the fairy test:  Which man can defeat the Whore of Babylon?  Being a fairy test, if any man attempts and fails, the Whore gobbles you up and drinks your blood.  Many men have tried, and all have been gobbled up by the Whore and had their blood drunk.  The Whore is not a supernatural entity.  She is simply the collection of all the dolls – all the millions of dolls.  When you approach her, she’s gorgeous, and the first idea you have about how to pacify her is to unzip your pants and stick it in her.  If you try this way, you loose, and she gobbles you up and drinks your blood.  Instead, the way to defeat her is to keep your pants zipped up, raise you arm and slime her right between the eyes.  Her eyes roll up till you can see the whites and her mouth drops open.  You’ve put her under a spell, you’ve hypnotized her, she’s pacified.  She goes to sleep.  ‘Ding dong!, The Witch is dead, the Wicked Old Witch!’

        Getting You To Change you Bedroom Behavior

    Once we get to the New Jerusalem, everyone will know what everyone is doing in the bedroom.  This is not your private affair, or your own personal business.  It is vital that everyone knows exactly what everyone is doing in the bedroom.  Adam and Eve fell, because they were ashamed of their private parts.  We will not be ashamed of our private parts in the New Jerusalem.  We are going to fall again, but into innocence this time.  It will be public knowledge what we’re all doing in the bedroom.                                           In the defunct Marxist states, everyone’s every movement was under constant surveillance.  That was not what needed to be done.  The only thing that must be monitored is what everyone must know precisely what everyone else is doing in the bedroom.  Nothing else matters.  It must be public knowledge  This is what is not done here in the West.  You may have a little knowledge about what your fellow workers are doing in bed, but overall you don’t know as much as you need to know.                                                .    I’m going to tell the same story three different ways.  You are really going to have change your bedroom behavior.
    
    Version 1:  If you as a man walk into Sodom, where the one thing you’ve got is a woman (you can also have a man if that’s what you want). There is nothing else but total chaos and anarchy.  If in this place you cannot get laid, then suddenly you become an extremely important person .  Because all you have to do is get your willie working below your belt, and you can blow the place to smithereens!                                            .    Version 2:  Don’t try to put me, God, in Hell.  Don’t even think about it.  Satan is my servant and not vice versa.  If you do try, I ‘ll get my willie working below my belt and again blow the place to smithereens!                                            .    Version 3:  This is the stupid version.  My good man, your getting way to much.  It’s good stuff. And you’ve got more than you can handle.  I’m horny and I need a woman.   You’ve lots of women and I have none.  What are we going to do about it with me standing here?  If you don’t get your dick straightened out, how about me ripping your lungs out, friend!  I can’t stand it, and I won’t put up with it!
    Who is the most degenerate sex fiend on the planet?  Satan is a notorious degenerate, but has access to all the most gorgeous dolls on the planet who are all in his service and at his beck and call.  His lusts get slaked.  For me it is water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink.  

                    I Must Rule!

    I was born to rule, and this is what you must let me do.  I came to power by blackmail.  I raptured out the people to demonstrate my power (just like the madman is my all time favorite movie,- ‘The Brain from Planet Arous’)   Like me, he was also a sex fiend.   The blackmail was either I rule, or I remove lots more.  I have an agenda. The planetwide New Exodus is here, and I’m going to lead you to the New Jerusalem.  This process will take several centuries.  I’ll say more later, but here’s an indication.  The New Jerusalem is all the multimillion inhabitant cities in ruins, and there are be no longer any nation states, with the total population of the planet much less than one billion.          No matter how much you may legitimately hate my guts, I must  rule!  And I have more blackmail so I can accomplish my mission.  I am the only person on this planet that  possesses the roadmap to the New Jerusalem.  No one else has a si

About the Author

Retired.

Alkaline Trio – My Friend Peter – 2010-03-15 – Gramercy Theatre

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